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Maureen Dodd's avatar

I love what I've read so far. You have a great ability to conjure up atmosphere and create suspense. I would have liked some description of your protagonist - apart from 'she' it is difficult to picture her

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LindsayBC's avatar

From what you have sent, I would love to read more.

You asked for comments. Nothing is a criticism. Leave it as it is if you wish but here are my thoughts.

And in the bottom drawer: important documents. Birth certificates. Insurance papers. Wills and bank slips. The sorts of things no one thinks about until they have to.

I would add a bit more suspense here. Casual readers like me will flick through the first 3 pages and that will determine whether we want to read more and whether we want to buy it. As it reads, I think I can guess what’s coming. I probably can’t but in my head I think I can. More intrigue would be good. So I would be inclined to say something like:

And in the bottom drawer: Documents. Important documents. Legal Documents. Birth certificates. Death certificates. The sorts of things no one thinks anyone keeps. Secrets. Secrets hidden under innocent looking documents that tell the story of a life that no one knows. A life that no one could imagine. An unravelling that no one could have anticipated. An impact that no one could have foreseen.

So now as a reader I am thinking whose death? What secrets? What is going to be uncovered? What did she do? What was the impact? Now I want to read more.

I loved reading it and would love to read more and I wish you all the very best.

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Yvonne's avatar

Really enjoyed what I’ve read so far. Look forward to reading more of the story.

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Jane Denn's avatar

I think this is great. I agree with the comment about more suspense (and also about it not being a criticism - this really is good) - what secrets will he uncover. You write beautifully, evoke atmosphere and feelings well, and I want to read more. I think your description of his reaction to the news of his mother's death is painfully real. All the best with it.

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